All The Right Friends

I am not sure how to write this without it getting gushy, but I’ve realised something in the last few weeks.

And that something is that I love you all.

Well, I think I can’t possibly get any gushier than that so may now proceed intrepidly.

Maybe a little background would help. Work has not been fun recently. A lot of stress, an environment which I do not enjoy and a big and critical piece of work getting ever further delayed partly through my fault, partly through others’. Not the point – anyway, I have been getting up every morning for the past two or three months just dreading the thought of going in. Evenings and weekends have been one constant process of trying to regain mental equilibrium and cheeriness.

And yet, when I have – and almost every day I have – I have come to realise that I am currently...well, happier than I have normally been before. More content (sorry people, but it’s the correct word here) with who I am, who my friends are and how I fit into the world. The real-life friends and acquaintances I have here are enough and I don’t need any more from them than I have; the real-life friends from former times who I am still in touch with are all fantastic and we’ve generally reached an equilibrium where, despite infrequent contact, we are still good friends and will keep in touch whenever we can – and that’s more than I can ask for really considering my abysmal keeping-in-touch skills; and then of course there is the internet lot. So I name you with a wry smile on my face...for you are my biggest section of friends. And isn’t that nicely freaky? But there you all are, and with each of you I have a different degree of friendship, and that’s fine. And good. And more than good.

The point of this post isn’t to copy Q and say to you all how much you mean to me – because I am not developing an exciting real life and so I think you’re all aware how much time I spend chatting to you all. The point isn’t even to say ‘internet friends rock’ because this is addressed to all my friends, even the few real life ones who may wander by. The point is...to share my happiness. And my surprise at having friends with whom I seem to have some sort of...equilibrium. Where I want to be friends with you and...maybe, just maybe, you sometimes want to be friends with me too.

Maybe this is a normal thing. But for me it feels very new...that I don’t feel like there is a gap between me and the rest of the world. So um...thank you?

With that, consider me gushed, for I’m off on holiday for a week from tomorrow.