“You do have a superiority complex. And you’ve got an inferiority complex about it.”

Seemed a very appropriate title for this one…

So here’s the dilemma.

On the one hand, I think I’m great. I believe my opinions on any subject are the correct ones, however ill-informed I am. It is rare that someone will argue me out of an opinion, and only a few people can do it. I think pretty highly of my own intelligence. Any mental talent I lack, I believe I could probably develop if I wanted to. Any physical talent that I lack – well, those aren’t my fault and who really needs them anyway? I expect to be the best at anything I actually care about. I re-read my own posts and smile at my own great turns of phrase.

On the other hand, I’m the schoolgirl who wanted to be friends with the cool people. I can’t see why anybody would want to be friends with me, and I will always find the reasons another person is better than me at anything. I don’t like appearing confident and will talk down my abilities. I don’t go out and search for the things I want in my life – that would be trying too hard. I tell myself that I don’t really want that much from my life, and I’ll convince myself that everything that has happened so far was for the best. I find other people scarily motivated and feel that I could never be that driven. I am not good at admitting I need other people. I would never, ever, say that I was someone’s best friend. I don’t think I ever have been.

So where does that leave me? Hopelessly adrift in my life but convinced that everything will work out great because, well, it’s me, and I’m great. Loving myself but unable to believe anyone else does, and every so often realising how much I love myself and hating myself for it. Convinced I can make friends relatively easily, yet under no circumstances ever thinking of myself as a popular person. Drawn to popular people, whilst feeling slightly superior to them, but very surprised if the popular people actually take notice of me.

Basically – confused. Is it just me, or do I make no sense at all?

(and even as I type that, Superior Me is making the case that this is the best way to be – that surely anyone who thoroughly understands themselves can’t be a very deep person…)